last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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