She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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