at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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