I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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