I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
