please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
