Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
