I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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