you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
