im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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