My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
