If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
