maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
