I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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