I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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