Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
