I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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