i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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