Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
