my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
