It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
