you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
