you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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