Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
