Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
