and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
