she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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