dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
