Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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