there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
porn star boner night. come get it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
