New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
