Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
