smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
