So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
