I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
