Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
