She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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