peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
