I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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