So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
