NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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