I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
