I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
