Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
