then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
