so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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