You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
