We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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