That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
