My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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